Monday, February 27, 2006


Dear Crabby:

Boys confuse me. They seem interested and then they’re not. I can’t decide what they’re thinking. Is there anything I should be looking for when considering who to date? My mother said I should ask you.

Carrie from New Brunswick

Dear Carrie:

Mom gets top marks for her recommendation. Yes, I do have some advice for any young woman starting out on the road to romance.

It’s full of potholes!

Now, before I get a litany of hate mail from some overzealous feminists who suggest that as a man I have no business commenting on a woman’s prerogative in dating practices…because, after all – what do I know about a woman’s heart as a man – I want to counteract that negativity by prefacing that, although t’is true there’s more testosterone coursing through these veins than estrogen, there’s also the fresh male perspective I’m offering to your dilemma that, until now, you’ve only been able to look at from one side – the feminine side.

So permit me to invite you into a bird’s eye of the male animal in his natural habitat!

I’m not a feminist basher either – after all, regardless of what one feminist thinks, not all feminists think alike. The radicals steal most of the thunder from the truth behind feminism in totem anyway – it’s the not-so-radical assessment that women are people too! Imagine that!

Without further adieu then, here are some Crabby recommendations on dating so that we can get you maneuvered around a lot of those potholes that boy/men dig for both themselves and the debutantes they end up pursuing – especially the really deep ones.

1) Don't expect too much from your first encounter. A polite smile and some interesting chit-chat is par for the course. A kiss should be just a kiss for a good long while. Sparks and fireworks come later...about nine months before the kids.

2) Don't believe everything you're told during that first encounter. Some guys will say anything to see you naked.

3) If a man genuinely has an interest in you that doesn't begin with a bottle of cheap wine and end with a pack of Mr. Lucky's - he'll call without having to be provoked to do so.

4) Desperation breeds desperation.

5) A real man will want to get inside your head before he attempts entry into other areas.

True, you're not the only fish in the sea, but have you considered that he's not the only hook?

7) There are more important concerns in this life than “Oh my God, what happens if I 25 and still single?!?!?”

8) Absence makes the heart grow fonder. So does abstinence.

9) Any guy who says "It's no big deal if know" should not mind when you explain, "Then it's really no big deal if we don't."

10) Remember that, as a woman, your whole identity is NOT wrapped up in any perception (or misdirection) of who you are, as mirrored in the eyes of any man. It's not up to Joe Studly to make you complete. The effort and interest is all up to you. It's hard work, but if it's any consolation - I've never known personal investment to be a waste of time.

Yours truly,
The crabby critic


Blogger Rhiannon said...

"A real man will want to get inside your head before he attempts entry into other areas". that sure would be refreshing! Haven't met many men like that. Are you sure about this?

You are just full of talented writing and very versatile in your styles. Its amazing! Hope some good agent comes your way soon!


February 28, 2006  
Blogger Maddy said...

...and vica verca.

March 01, 2006  
Blogger Hale McKay said...

Very well done, Nick. I enjoyed this post as it shows some men are a little higher on the romance chain than they are given.

March 01, 2006  
Blogger art said...

Thanks for stopping by my site; come back anytime. Interesting couple of blogs you have here. peace~art

March 02, 2006  
Blogger True Blue Guy said...

Awesome :-D

I loved "Some guys will say anything to see you naked"


March 03, 2006  
Blogger Maddy said...

...oh and men ALWAYS want
to get inside my head .
For real. It's wonderful,

March 03, 2006  

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